Job

But He is unique and who can turn Him? And what His soul desires, that He does. For He performs what is appointed for me, And many such decrees are with Him. Therefore, I would be dismayed at His presence; When I consider, I am terrified of Him. It is God who has made my heart faint, And the Almighty who has dismayed me, But I am not silenced by the darkness, Nor deep gloom which covers me. ~ Job 23:13-17

I give it all to you God all to you... teach me your ways, show me, tell me, touch me, I need you.

I Need You

Lord my heart is breaking so much right now
I have so many things on my mind,
why am I going through this again
I know I must suffer because Jesus suffered,
But why do I have this family
There is no encouragement, no happiness, no love, no true love, just worldly love
God I just want to get out of this place, I want to run away
I need to be alone, I need a new life.
I need you to come and take me away
I need you to come and provide
My heart hurts so much God,
My Soul is so distressed, it is so weak
I know I am pure
I know I am beautiful
I know I am yours
But the world Lord is stronger than me now
I need your strength again
I am being dirtied by them again
I am becoming dull and it is heavy
Lord come and take it away
Lord come and let me fly among the angels
I need your peace, I need your love
I need your forest,
I need to see your beauty still exist in this world
I need you
~Mary L D

 I need to know that this is true...
"The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name." Psalm 23:1-3

In Christ,
Mary L D

Blessing Distraction

I never met someone who could distract me like he does (other than My Lord). I never met anyone who could make me smile like he does (other than my Lord). I never met anyone who changed my life (other than My Lord).

The feelings were rushing in the night before I saw you
My flesh was smiling wanting you
My heart beat as if you were in the room
I screamed at God, pleading with Him

I prayed unceasing for my heart to be guarded
The mark you left in my heart
Seems to never go away nor rub off.
Why do you do this to me?

I saw you the next day
I smiled as I saw you walking down towards me
My heart went off again
Do you even know what I was thinking?
As you looked right at me
As you smiled at me
As you came to me

I want to cry every time I see you
Because something in me wants you
I fought hard, with unceasing prayer
Just so I won't fall for you
It worked.

Still you are on my mind again
I capture my thoughts and give it to God
He tells me everything is going to be ok

You are such a distraction to me
You are so beautiful
You are so amazing
Do you know this?

I wonder at times why is it you, only you?
How did I let this happen?
Was it all in God's plan?
You drive me insane
But the mention of your name makes me smile.

My heart is guarded
With God's perfect love
But you are still one distraction,
That is a blessing in my life.
~Mary L D

In Christ,
Mary L D

Sunrise

As I sit there in the horizon of the morning sun
The birds start to awake, chirps here and there
The trees stand still waiting for the sun to come forward
The breeze starts to come, awakening.

The birds start to sing, one after another they join
They seem to sing praises to the one who created them.
Each one singing a different love song.
The trees start to sway, awakening as the sun rises.
They lean towards the sun, dancing with their love.
My spirit starts to awake as the breeze wraps around me.
My Lord is with me.

Weeping may last for a night
but joy comes in the morning
The sun arises patiently, His beauty showing
He overcomes the darkness with His Glory
His warmth overcoming the bitter cold of the night
The day comes and He watches over us
The day comes and no one sees His love.
The day comes and goes
His love and faithfulness is everlasting.
~Mary L D

In Christ,
Mary L D

Salt In the Snow

Dear Father God,
I just do not know what to do, I feel like crap. I love you so much, I know I do, but I feel sick. I feel like "The whole head is sick, and the whole heart faints, From the sole of the foot even in the head. There is no soundness in it, but wounds and bruises and putrefying sores; They have not been closed or bound up, or soothed with ointment." (Isaiah 1: 6)  I know you love me, but there is something in me that is keeping me from you, there are memories good and bad battling for top spot. My soul cries out to you lord, but sometimes it feels like you are not listening anymore. I feel like I have let you down, more than anything. My soul cries out to you Lord to come, I need to know you love me truly, to know you forgive me. The reminders of my past visions of when you were with me, or carrying me is not enough. They are winning over the reminders of my flesh past but still very feeble. Lord why did you not come this past weekend? I cried to much, it made me more sorrow it opened up my wounds, bruises and sores. Why have you let them open again? No it wasn't you who opened them, it was me. God why have I done such a thing? Please Lord the enemy attacks with lies, he attacks so much scratching at my sores. I want to know you Lord again. I want to feel you. As I read the first chapter of Isaiah all through I feel like the city.
"How the faithful city has become a harlot! It was full of justice; Righteousness lodged in it, but now murderers."  (Isaiah 1:21) I feel like this is what I have done to you. I feel like I have turned against what is You, my flesh is beckoning to come back, I will not but it is so hard... I am at the line fighting myself to stay on your side Lord. I can not do this, You need to come, I need you to come more than anything.
I know you will come I know I am pure in your eyes, because of Jesus. I know he died for me, I know you love me. I know all of that in my mind and my heart, but my soul seems to still be on the battle field.
"Ah, I will rid Myself of My adversaries, And take vengeance on My enemies. I will turn My hand against you, And thoroughly purge away your dross, And take away all your alloy.  I will restore your judges as at the first, And your counselors as at the beginning. Afterward you shall be called the city of righteousness, the faithful city." (Isaiah 1:24-26) “ Come now, and let us reason together, Says the LORD, Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool" (Isaiah 1:18)  I pray right now this is a season where you are just breaking me over and over and over to make me into a much more stronger vase. I feel like my vase has water dripping out of cracks, nothing is staying in. I am so thirsty for you Lord, please come to me soon. I am always yours, you know my heart, you know what I need. You know the tears I am crying. Please come and restore me, make me feel white as snow. Make me feel like a righteous and faithful "city" again.

God please come I need you more than anything. I need you.

Give me wings,
Give me peace.
These are the things that I need.
I'm tormented, broken and shamed
Are you listening? (Are you listening)?
Give me shelter from the storm,
I know it's a lot to ask for,
Considering how recent I've piled the dirt on your name.
Are you listening? (Are you listening)?
Are you listening?  
~The Classic Crime - Salt In the Snow.
 Salt In the Snow (Song)   <---- click to hear the song.

My real estate
My life is dull
And dried up like the sound
A voice makes when the heart grows cold
And it’s going that way
~ The Classic Crime - Seattle
Seattle (Song)     <----click to hear the song.

 I love The Classic Crime, there new release songs are the way I been feeling...

In Christ,
Mary L D

Thunderstorm

The rumbles of the thunder how aggressive it is.
It's a sweet sound to my ears Lord
Your heart is breaking as you scream "I LOVE YOU"
"COME TO ME! I LOVE YOU"
Your blessings, grace, and mercy are your tears.
Crying and reaching out to your children
How you are jealous for our Love
our attention
our soul

You stand there in the rain crying
You say this thunderstorm is how you feel
Do you not see that God is here?
Do you not feel Him on your face?
Do you not hear His voice?
Open your ears and hear.
Awaken your body feel Him in every drop.
Open your heart and see Him.

You stand there tears streaming down your face
The rain falling camouflaging your tears
The Lord is not tricked, He sees your every tear
He is counting them all one by one and will not miss one.
Open your heart, awaken your body, open your ears.
He is touching you and speaking to you.
He is all around you.

He awaits for your return
With arms wide open.

~Mary L D

In Christ
Mary L D

Been A While...

I am sorry that I have not written in this for a while...

So much has happened to me... so much life... so much world... I went down for a while.

I quit the Daniel Fast by the way. I think God just wanted me to change my diet so I have. More healthier now and better. Much more energy.

Lets see I just been going through a hard time lately. The weeks that just passed by I was getting depressed because I could not feel God anymore and I just was in pain so much pain, spiritually and of course being the stupid human being I am. I ran away from it.

I let the lies of the enemy get to me again. Why do I do this?

The enemy just took me down again, I felt like such a hypocrite... I started to believe I was ugly again, he just made me feel like I was crap, not pure, not good enough, had no purpose, I started becoming scared of the demons, I believe they were going to attack me, the lies were "we can still attack you, you are not safe or protected." I hated it, the fear, I was at the end of it.

Then Eddie and Chara Boasso from Ihop came to our church for a conference... AMAZING. I didn't get the experience of laughter, rolling, or shaking like crazy.... I cried and cried and cried and cried.... So much crying. I just had so many lies from the enemy attacking me, so much loneliness, so much unwant, so much unlove, so much attacking of those lies.

The dream I had did not help either but I understand it now.  The dream was...

I was at my mom's house with Dina and we went into the hallway bathroom and there was a big strong demon. We went in with the lights out and had a little lamp so we could see each other. We were in there and Dina saw screaming and kicking at the demon rebuking it and I was sitting praying and every time I started to rebuke it, it would grab my mouth and shut it where I could not say "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus" and some few times it came out like mumble through my closed mouth. Every time I did it, it would laugh at me and smile, it would not go away it just kept going on. I had got to the point where I had started losing faith and I knew I was losing.

I got from the dream that Dina and I had gotten weak, we quit reading the Word and we get our power/strength from the Word of God. The past few weeks Dina and I have been going through storms and we did not read the word... so we got weak and of course the lies got to us.

I think the best part of the weekend though was that Taylor and Whitney Lindsey came down for the weekend! I got to see their beautiful selves! I miss them so much, like my mom says "They are my angels".... they really are! Something about just knowing they are near is peaceful and makes me happy. That is the greatest gift God gave me this weekend, getting hugs from them and hearing "I love you Mary" from both of them. Sigh... I miss them so much already.... 

I think that is all I got to say... I just want to get married already... Going to be while eh?

In Christ,

Mary L D

My love is... the only one who shed His blood for me... the only one who has captivated my heart and carries it in His hands... My Lord... My Savior. The Father who never has forsaken me, but I have forsaken Him. The Father who is always faithful.     ~Mary L D