Been A While...

I am sorry that I have not written in this for a while...

So much has happened to me... so much life... so much world... I went down for a while.

I quit the Daniel Fast by the way. I think God just wanted me to change my diet so I have. More healthier now and better. Much more energy.

Lets see I just been going through a hard time lately. The weeks that just passed by I was getting depressed because I could not feel God anymore and I just was in pain so much pain, spiritually and of course being the stupid human being I am. I ran away from it.

I let the lies of the enemy get to me again. Why do I do this?

The enemy just took me down again, I felt like such a hypocrite... I started to believe I was ugly again, he just made me feel like I was crap, not pure, not good enough, had no purpose, I started becoming scared of the demons, I believe they were going to attack me, the lies were "we can still attack you, you are not safe or protected." I hated it, the fear, I was at the end of it.

Then Eddie and Chara Boasso from Ihop came to our church for a conference... AMAZING. I didn't get the experience of laughter, rolling, or shaking like crazy.... I cried and cried and cried and cried.... So much crying. I just had so many lies from the enemy attacking me, so much loneliness, so much unwant, so much unlove, so much attacking of those lies.

The dream I had did not help either but I understand it now.  The dream was...

I was at my mom's house with Dina and we went into the hallway bathroom and there was a big strong demon. We went in with the lights out and had a little lamp so we could see each other. We were in there and Dina saw screaming and kicking at the demon rebuking it and I was sitting praying and every time I started to rebuke it, it would grab my mouth and shut it where I could not say "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus" and some few times it came out like mumble through my closed mouth. Every time I did it, it would laugh at me and smile, it would not go away it just kept going on. I had got to the point where I had started losing faith and I knew I was losing.

I got from the dream that Dina and I had gotten weak, we quit reading the Word and we get our power/strength from the Word of God. The past few weeks Dina and I have been going through storms and we did not read the word... so we got weak and of course the lies got to us.

I think the best part of the weekend though was that Taylor and Whitney Lindsey came down for the weekend! I got to see their beautiful selves! I miss them so much, like my mom says "They are my angels".... they really are! Something about just knowing they are near is peaceful and makes me happy. That is the greatest gift God gave me this weekend, getting hugs from them and hearing "I love you Mary" from both of them. Sigh... I miss them so much already.... 

I think that is all I got to say... I just want to get married already... Going to be while eh?

In Christ,

Mary L D

My love is... the only one who shed His blood for me... the only one who has captivated my heart and carries it in His hands... My Lord... My Savior. The Father who never has forsaken me, but I have forsaken Him. The Father who is always faithful.     ~Mary L D