One thing missing.

Its been a while I know i am sorry... I got a new job.... at Freebirds.

I am so tired.... already 39 hours and I only asked for 25-30 :/    I am so dead... so much homework.... I am behind...  AHHHHHHHH

So I cried alot this morning... I just... lets say hate my life right now. I want to give up and hide in a corner and cry till I die... I am so tired... physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am tired of hearing people's crap and their problems. Why do people always have to come to me? Do I have a big sign on my head that says "COME TO ME WITH YOUR PROBLEMS AND I WILL SAVE YOU?" NOOOOOOOO I am not Jesus.... It is like come on.... You are Christian... You know you need to go to Jesus with this and stop coming to me with the same problem over and over again when I have tried to help you and have given you advice! It is like seriously!

I sound so mean I know but I am running on little right now and my own heart is breaking right now. I myself am falling apart and I have no one to go to. The awesome woman of God that I go to is to far and she is busy too, so it is hard to talk to her. Then  Mrs. Breaux my awesome "Mother" is busy too and we barely can talk. I just want to scream at everyone that comes to me and tell them to leave me alone!
I just can't handle other problems right now when I can not handle mine. I know it is most likely my fault because I have not spent time with God :(
I just can't handle this anymore.
It is hard working at freebirds, so draining physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I need Jesus to survive there and I have not been feeding myself The Word.

It is not only that but like I hate holidays a lot. Because it is all about family and I really do not have one. Seeing people at my church with their entire family together and have plans already is a stab in the heart. Not only people at church but also non believers get together with family on the holidays. It hurts seeing them all together and all I want is a family. To sit and have food with and enjoy the day. But no I have to wake up early, get ready to go to church and go alone. Then walk into church with everyone with their family (kids back from school or family in town) and me sitting there alone it hurts.
I could not stop crying at church, it hurts so much. I think I am going to switch church and find one that has more teens/young adults. I just can not handle the big family church. It hurts to much, always has hurts and it is getting worse.
The Lindsey family came to church today so it made me happy I got to sit and cry in Mr. Terry Lindsey arms during church. I love that family, they are seriously my spiritual family, they even told me a while back that they have "adopted" me :)    Now I just wish I could really live with them permanently.
This is why I want to be married already... To be part of something I could call My Family.
 Not because I am tired of being single, I am actually happy being single.

I want more in my life Lord
More of Your touch
More of Your voice
More of Your presences
Lord come soon
I can not make it anymore
I need a hand to guide me
I need someone to carry me
I need someone to wipe these tears away
My heart is breaking
My light is dimming
This darkness is consuming.
I need something beautiful
Something that will show me
Show me this is worth living through.
I need you more than ever.
My heart knows you
My mind knows you
But my spirit is a stranger
My heart knows you love me
My mind knows you love me
But please tell my spirit.
One thing is missing
Your spirit meeting mine.

In Christ,
Mary L D