God Does Know and Answers

[I wrote this on Tuesday night... but it went into Wednesday at midnight so this is my TUESDAY BLOG!]

Man... I was so blessed to have the Life Group I do. God has been doing so many amazing things trough it and bringing so MANY people to Jesus! God is so good! 

Sometimes in life... There are so many unanswered questions and they are not answered for A LONG TIME but when they are and in God's way... IT IS AMAZING!

When God tells you that He Loves you! When you think he never listened or cared, when you think He was nowhere, BUT... BAM! He hits you! Like not a Bam (A hit on your forehead) BUT LIKE BAM! You’re shaking, you’re crying, you’re overwhelmed, you’re smiling, you’re just SO FREAKING HAPPY and YOU FEEL BRAND NEW again! Like you’re like GOD!!!! YOU ARE SO AMAZING! Man God did that to my friend Susi, she told me her story from this weekend and I told her mine from Onething and we were so happy and in tears. Want to know mine?

If you don't stop reading then because I ma say it!

Well it started off at the onething conference. I walked in and I got this overflowing sorrow and pain in my heart. I started crying so much I cried till I feel asleep at the hotel. I kept hearing "you are not good enough, you are not like your friends there, look at them dancing, look at them so happy, you’re not like them you’re not Christian,  God does not love you, just go die, you’re not good enough." I was hearing those thoughts for like the past month at that time.  I was brought up being "Strong, Independent, and Perfect." being Christian... is the total opposite of it, so I am hard on myself and I am having to learn how to be "Humble, Dependent on God, and know I am a sinful person".

Well the next day on Tuesday I fasted and hid from all the 30 people I was with, waiting for God to come, praying and pushing through worship to praise Him, I cried I kept seeking God. I kept asking Him to talk to me, send someone I don't know to come pray over me. I wanted to know things, to come heal me. 

God never showed up.

Wednesday- I ate a bit of breakfast. I went to the prayer room once I got to the conference and I sat in there praying to God and asking for the last time to come. Then I saw this lady walking around praying with so much authority and boldness, I got this desire to talk to her. By the time I got the courage to talk to her she was gone.

           Then I went back up to the conference and sat there. Then at lunch break I feel asleep on the chairs like a bum and then I woke up and heard God say "Go to the prayer room." I said "I can't God everyone is hurt that I keep going away and not being with them." He replied "I don't care. Go to the Prayer room." So I went.

         I sat at the back of the room on the floor praying and reading Isaiah. I looked up and there the lady was walking in and she sat in the chairs directly right in front of me! I was like whoa! And then I just prayed "God please let her walk out of the room and I will go after her to talk to her, let me talk to her." Then I went back to reading and then like 3-5 minutes, as I finished Isaiah 9, I felt someone stand beside me. I looked up and IT WAS HER! YES THE LADY! Then I tapped her leg and she looked down at me. I said "Sorry but I have this desire to ask you to pray for me, I seen you since this morning and been wanting you to pray over me." She said, "Did I pray for you last night?" I said "No, I saw you for the first time this morning." She replied, "Oh ok. What is your name?"   "Mary" Then she kneeled beside me and put her hand on and she sat their quiet and then she put her hand on my head and started speaking tongues!  [I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE SPEAK TONGUES WHEN THEY ARE PRAYING FOR ME!]

Then she said: "Mary is your faithful servant your precious daughter, your beautiful daughter, your pure daughter."  <<< At that point I struggled a lot with my confidence and my looks; I thought I was ugly and horrible. I had struggled with lust and I had the pains of me almost losing my virginity...3 times... when I was Christian... scars...

Then she spoke tongues again and said: I rebuke the mind control the devil has on her! I rebuke it! The thoughts she has are not hers. They are the lies of the devil! <<< The thoughts I mentioned above, the ones where I was not good enough. I was like NO WAY (in my head) THAT IS WHAT IT WAS?! THAT EXISTS?! WHOA!!! THAT’S WHY?!!! I also wondered why I thought the thoughts I did.

Spoke tongues again, then said: She is going to be a forerunner God a strong amazing forerunner, a preacher, a woman saving souls after souls bringing them to you Jesus. <<< I had been praying to God to tell me if I was suppose to go to IhopU and the school is called Forerunner School of Ministry! I know forerunner is evangelist... but it meant more to me at that time :)

Spoke tongues again then said: You are going to get married; you are going to be a wonderful wife with an amazing husband. You are going to have amazing Godly children. You’re going to have a God Fearing household <<< I had been praying for a long time for God to let me know if I was going to get married, I always feared I wasn't going to and I WANT A FAMILY I WANT TO BE MARRIED! And if I were to get married I thought I was going to be like my mom (not really good), I use to be told by dad and sister that I was "just like mom" "going to be like mom" and I thought I was going to bring down my husband and ruin the marriage. You don't know how good I feel because of knowing that now.

Then she spoke tongue and said: I stop the cursing from the witch craft that is on her...  I rebuke the demonic stuff over her, in her life. I give Mary discernment on knowing what is your will for her and what you tell her, and not let the devil confuse her on your will for her. That the devil will not trick her; that she will know the difference between yours Lord and the devils. <<<(This just made sense to me today, well yesterday its midnight now lol) I been hearing voices while I pray lately, the devils mocking voice, and a girl/woman crying out to God to save her while two guys are arguing. 

Tongues then said: I stop the early deaths in her blood line. No more will people die young, no more will there be problems in her blood line. <<< I have lost to sisters before one at 3 and one at 19. I almost died at 8 months. Family dies young too.

Tongues, spoke: God I pray for the demonic separation in her family, I rebuke it in Jesus name, bring her family back to her, unit them back together. God I pray that her family will see her as the light and that they will find salvation. They will find salvation! God I pray that it will be soon, so she can have a Christian foundation at home in her parents. So when she comes home she has a Christian home to fall into. I pray for her family separation and salvation let it come soon because she is tired of it she needs her family back. <<< I am the only Christian in the family. Parents are divorced. Mom has not spoken to me since August and is "Christian”. Dad is married to Martha, Dad thinks good deeds get you into heaven, he doesn't care really. Sister is a "Jehovah’s Witness" and her kids don't care either. I cry a lot about being the only Christian in the family. It’s hard.

Tongues and spoke: God I proclaim her as Mary of Bethany, Mary of Bethany. She sits at your feet Jesus with her tears. Let her be a child at your feet. Mary of Bethany! <<< I loved it! Mary of Bethany is the woman who sat at Jesus' feet crying and cleaned His feet with perfume and dried it with her hair. I also wrote a poem that morning, because I had asked God to let me know that He loves me and this is what he told me:
My beloved daughter
My sweet daughter
Oh How I love you with all my heart
The tears I have seen you cry
I have all counted and the more to come I will not miss one.
The joy you will have when I get to hold you
will be more than the numbers of tears you have cried.

Then she said: I proclaim Freedom over Mary. MARY YOU ARE FREE! Freedom, Freedom, Freedom... FREEDOM!

Then she got up and left... never found out her name.

And since then.. I been able to dance and I AM SO HAPPY! SO FREE!!!! I even started dancing and jumping like 5-10 minutes later after that happened :) ITS SO GOOD! 

Keep going after God and He will come in His timing, He loves it that you are still praising Him through the darkest of time, the driest of time! He is there, even though you don't feel Him.

GOD IS SO GOOD!

So just know that God does care and listens. 

God loves you!

In Christ,

Mary L D

I'm trading my sorrows,

I'm trading my shame,

I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord!
I'm trading my sickness, 

I'm trading my pain, 

I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord!

YES LORD YES LORD YES YES LORD! AMEN!

~ Trading My Sorrows by Darrell Evans.

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