My Soul

This past weekend I have had this heaviness in my soul and its still here. I sit here in my prayer room in the dark, quiet, no music, no sound, just me. I been sitting here waiting for the Lord to show me, to let me hear what he wants me to hear.

I have this new gift; I hear things. Like you know how people get visions? I get to hear things... I sound mental but it is true. I only had it twice, well three times, the first one was like 2 years ago. The other two have been recent. I have talked about it with friends especially one who like is amazing and like knows my future, she sees vision and she kinda like disciples me in a way other than Mrs. Breaux who is my mentor. Her name is Sarine she goes to the College Life Group with me and she prays alot about me. She told me this is my new gift and that it is going to be happening more and that I need to pray for discernment between the devils voice, God's voice and mine. I already had one from God and one from the devil.

I just don't know, I like want to cry. This heaviness is hurting, its scary, I want to know. I felt like I had to write it out my feelings.

It doesn't help that I had a dream about my friend Taylor, who I hold so dear. I had a dream that he died from his diabetes. Yes Taylor, the most amazing man on fire for God who I call Superman, has diabetes but he is an unbelieveble follower of Jesus. The diabetes doesn't stop him, he went to Pakistan for like 2 weeks with two way older guys when he just turned 19! AMAZING! But that dream has been bothering me so much, it was a blurry dream like seriously. I was in my body this time (sometimes I have dreams where I am watching myself and others)  and I saw everything like i needed glasses. But there was Taylor dying from his diabetes and we couldn't save him. That made my heart so much more heavier today because I fear that it will come about.  I am praying that God will let me know if it was just a dream.

I am hoping that this dream is just a put together of all my stress and it was a just a dream.
I been stressing out about a certain friend of mine. Sarine told me that this friend lets call them "Alex" (boy or girl) is going to need me like they never needed anyone but she doesn't know what is going to happen. So I started praying about it and I had this sorrow over come me and then i heard "Alex's sister is going to die, going to get murdered." I started crying because I don't want Alex to go through the pain or through the event.
I lost my sister 6 years ago through murder.

I am afraid for her. I am praying it isn't that.

and there is something else... but that is between God and me,

I just have so much,  I know God wants to show me something else. I just need to go back to waiting. Probably go to sleep and another dream?

Sigh...

In Christ,
Mary L D